every beat of my heart

Wednesday, September 24, 2008 @11:17 PM

this past week has been rather fruitful i must say. i am somewhat not bothered by the ** incident.
anddd i must say i feel proud of myself. today i planned to wake up at 8 to study, but somewhat after 2 days of consecutive intense ( as so i think) training, i woke up by the sounds of the alarm and turned it off because my muscles were all so sore i couldnt stand it. in the end i i woke up at 10.36am, having slept from 11.45pm the night before.

then after breakfast i started doing physics notes until now, which is for 2 hrs. i feel so proud of myself. :D
however there are so much more to be completed. IH for instance, i havent started it and its my weakerst subejct. but, after all, its only 0.5 weightage so heck larh.
i swear i ll spend more time studying for math.

one random incident i say i would blog abt:
last sunday koh and i turned up in novena sq looking GAY. like seriously. purple and red fbts. wth? we look totally gay haha. and she changed same theme as me. and we realised we both have flat feet and tennis elbow which is supopsed to be a disease. LOL. it makes us officially gay partners. HAHA.
BUT thats not the whole point. we spent a good 10 over minute roaming around, deciding where we should settle down and study.
koh saw "shilin" and points excitedly at the direction guide. "lets go there!"
we stared at it, i said" i think its further down there".
koh " no, that side got nothing, it shd be the other side".
so we both walked back to sq 1. and scanned and asked a couple of ppl and realised it made more sense to be at sq 2. -.-
walked back to the original place with the guide. walked further down in an ullu corner to find it -.- wow. 20min gone. HAHA
mugging was unfruitful after all.

my muscles are aching like crazy from past days training. i swear i should've burned fats but thats not the case. eeyer.

btw one random fact. i slept at 10pm one day, set the alarm at 12 to wake up and study, only woke up horrified at 6am in the morning before sch to find out it didnt ring because i set it at 12 noon -.-

GO RANIA. NI XING DE
a to do list.
1. 3 past yr physics paper
2. 3 past yr chem paper ( almost 2 completed)
3. 2 or is it 3? math past yr papers
4. 20 summary passages for chinese
5. 18 close passages chinese
6. IH IH IH
7. math revision booklet

Thursday, September 18, 2008 @6:25 AM

firstly, i think this week, no, actually starting from like ytd or so, i felt like so happy and light headed. as though ive finally unloaded a burden. ( in fact i think i did, after i tht thru some stuff and xiang tong :D)

okay i have some clarifications. i am soooo not on a diet. because i EAT A LOT. if u dont believe me, i ll show what i mean by A LOT.

i ll cite you today as an example:

6am: breakfast. drank milk. ate cereal.

9am?: sch during umm chem? tablebuddies started chewing on my 'wheatables' MUAHAH. (and its not a healthy food i realised even though it looks like hamster food as quoted by jennifer -.-) i realised it has sugra and like salt and dunno what unhealthy stuff on it!

9.45am: ate whole packet of wheatables, which is in fact, VERY FULLING. i watched the whole grp of ppl mainly consisting of tablebuddy, stephpang, chelly, huilin eating and it seriously does not tempt me at all. canteen food is oily.

12pm: lunch breakkk. ate bread. i needa save money!

2.30pm: bought mango juice and drank while meeting zheng laoshi

3.30pm?: went to pop and ate THE THIRD KIT KAT BAR THIS WEEK + oheyo

4.30pm: drank bubbletea

6.30pm: dinner - ate a bowl of rice and meat (no veggie as usual xD)

7.30pm: cherries to provide my vitamin C!

8pm: ate half a durian mooncake. and i mean, those LARGE ONES. =/

and no more so far. i do hope i wont eat anymore because this kind of lousy eating habbits is UNACCEPTABLE.

anyways, attemp to jian fei always wont work.

AND BSP IS QUITE STRESSFUL. i have to work on a lot of stuff. and theres so much to cram out. but nevertheless, im confident yx and i can handle this well :D

EOYS EOYS. like wth. i dont care. why make my life so stressed up la. i ll mug when i feel like (which is most prob in sch) esp during humanities period BUT dont worry i ll some how find a way to force myself to study really hard. because i do want to have good results. but at the same time, i cant stress myself out so much.

after all, its only eoys and WHY MAKE MY LIFE SO MISERABLE WHEN LIFE IS SUPPOSED FOR YOU TO HAVE FUNN?! :DD

i know next yr is gonna be a really tough year, with guzheng SYF (being a sec 4 senior is not easy, being a lousy and setting-bad eg senior by missing gz for a long time because of leg injury and china trip is even harder, as you have to work extra hard and prove that you do belong to the cca.
secondly, im trainin hard in epee. much as i feel that foil is truly my love, epee is fun in its own way too. and yes, i will train hard. regardless yog or not, i will continue it. because FENCING IS THE LOVE :D
thirdly, im gonna dance twice a week. latin is definitely in, and perhaps either salsa with nicole goh, or um hiphop orrr chinese dance! haha with steph? o.0. i do want to get in MAD in hci.

fourthly, i am still weighing my options whether to sign up for the leadeship development prog thing. i know it requires commitment too, which i am not sure whether i am able to do so. however, i truly believe that it does inspire one, as a person, to mature and develope too. Furthermore, i strongly believe that if i were to put in effort for that, it can be truly meaningful and funn.

lastly, sec 4 is not an easy year to cope, in terms of schoolwork. the passing grade is msg <3,>

life is not gonna be easy, but i ll embrace it. AND MAKE THE BEST OUT OF IT :D

ps this was supposed to be a really short post, proving how i am NOT ON A DIET. but it turned out to be some lengthy grandma story. ahha. i need better summary skills.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008 @9:44 PM

a few days ago i was considerin to delete this blog, partially because i felt too lazy to blog again.
and secondly, it dawned upon my that eoys are officially starting next week. D: hence, blogging is bad.

anyways, yay chiam is back to school. its fun with her around, always spreading her gayness around. HAHAHA. too bad shes leaving on sat. but anyways im going in a mths time, which actually isnt any much better.

and she is trying to flirt with guohuicong now. they are like fang dian-ing with each other and hc is uhh seducing her? o.0
chiam is getting her 3rd boyfriend, while in the midst of divorcing with her husband. tsk.

tongie and i want to FLY A PLANE. HAHAHA. i told her if i dun get in for yog, which is pretty much a high chance, i shall consider to fly a plane. sounds a bit crazy huh? :DD
aunty mina said: " why dont you just learn how to drive a car?"
me: *points out to the highway* look how many ppl can drive a car? and how many can drive a PLANE? mua haha.
mina: speechless*
anyways i think the idea sounds a bit absurd to me. if one day i marry a rich guy, i shal lask him to buy a private jet for me and i shall drive in round asia!

and i swear im fattt. like seriously. steph says i can be a sumo wrestler if i put on a bit more weight. oh wth. and she says i put on weight. which is true =( im so gonna swim and train more.

p.s. im so over it (:

Friday, September 12, 2008 @4:12 AM

recount on past week.
it has been STRESSFUL.
a lot of school work to complete, endless revision.
and im seriously broke. like i owe a lot of ppl $$.

anyways 3 cheers for 309 debate team! YAY. jennifer will make a good lawyer i swear. haha ;D
we're gonna get free mars bar ice creams from mr koh. hoho. for losing the bet.

anywyas i had this super traumatizing experience while swimming ytd, with my neighbors, they're 2 really cute 4 yr old kids. but gosh, they freaked me out. i cant believe whats going on in these kids' minds these days.

eeyer. and my ankle is recovering, quite well i suppose. ;}
i ll bear with this immobility for a few more weeks, and pray that things will be more normal.

p.s. i need STUDYING and JOGGING sessions!

<3>

im getting over it. and hey, you may be right after all. its just selfishness.
im sorry.

Friday, September 5, 2008 @7:53 AM

i bet theres a screw gone loose in me. nothing seems right these days.
i am losing my determination and focus in studying.
it simply does not mean anything to me.
if so, what does?
theres a lot of external pressure coming.
not only about the untouched hw, the upcoming eoys, but the fact that im most probably blowing up my chance for yog. i mean, thats not all, but im not gonna list everything out here. it might be trivial, if you count, but every small thing that adds up is enough pressure to crush. but fret not, obviously i wont.

there just seems to be too much distractions for me.
tv, computer, bed, goingo out.
even without these, when im sick of surfin the net, watching all the serials, and taking a nap,
i ll just go call up someone. like i badly need to rant.
i ll give myself 2 more days, and i shd get back my motivation.

and i really mean every word.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008 @4:31 AM

tuesday i went for 3 remedials.
IH from 9-10.30
Chem 11-1pm
physics 2-3.
then i went home, wanting to swim, but once again, it started raining.
the remedials werent exactly useful, i didnt pay attention most of the time.
FOCUS FOCUS. you have to take eoys damnit.
MAKE GOOD USE OF MATH REMEDIAL TMR.

and training at night was fun. haha no idea why, but it just was. A media corp artiste joined our class a few weeks ago, and shes really nice. i dont know her real name, just that i rmb her from "holland V". she kept asking abt my leg. haha so sweet.

anyways on tues, before chem and after IH, koh huilin and i went to coro to buy food and drinks. A convo that went between us:

rania said something stupid and retarded.
H: wa lau you lame la! LAME! (points to injured foot)
R: no loh, im only physically lame temporarily. unlike you, mentally.
H: you are physically, mentally, internally lame.
R: you're then phys, mentally, spiritually, internally, externally lame.
H: you are phys, mentally, spiritually, internally, externally lame from head to toe
and so it went on.
dumb huh?? =.=

and a random fact i noticed.
i have stage fright.
stage fright is usually something kids outgrow when they turn older. in my case, apparently not.
the first time i noticed it was duirng first gz concert last yr. i got tensed during a popsong called "hou lai" and i forgot my chords and ended up faking. like wth? i think im the only loser in the world to get scared even performing in a group.

and it happened not only in that song. pam mentioned then "i think you have stage fright".
indeed, how sad.
andd and. the recent interclass debate, i wanted first speaker since it shd be the easiest.
i didnt really panick till the minute i was supposed to go up, and in the end, i realised i was scared because the hand i was holding the card was trembling.
hm. i cant do things well when ppl stare at me. i simply cannot. i fear of making a mistake, and the more fearful you feel, the worse it becomes.
bleah. what to do?

oh boy, i think its seriously driving me crazy