every beat of my heart

Wednesday, September 3, 2008 @4:31 AM

tuesday i went for 3 remedials.
IH from 9-10.30
Chem 11-1pm
physics 2-3.
then i went home, wanting to swim, but once again, it started raining.
the remedials werent exactly useful, i didnt pay attention most of the time.
FOCUS FOCUS. you have to take eoys damnit.
MAKE GOOD USE OF MATH REMEDIAL TMR.

and training at night was fun. haha no idea why, but it just was. A media corp artiste joined our class a few weeks ago, and shes really nice. i dont know her real name, just that i rmb her from "holland V". she kept asking abt my leg. haha so sweet.

anyways on tues, before chem and after IH, koh huilin and i went to coro to buy food and drinks. A convo that went between us:

rania said something stupid and retarded.
H: wa lau you lame la! LAME! (points to injured foot)
R: no loh, im only physically lame temporarily. unlike you, mentally.
H: you are physically, mentally, internally lame.
R: you're then phys, mentally, spiritually, internally, externally lame.
H: you are phys, mentally, spiritually, internally, externally lame from head to toe
and so it went on.
dumb huh?? =.=

and a random fact i noticed.
i have stage fright.
stage fright is usually something kids outgrow when they turn older. in my case, apparently not.
the first time i noticed it was duirng first gz concert last yr. i got tensed during a popsong called "hou lai" and i forgot my chords and ended up faking. like wth? i think im the only loser in the world to get scared even performing in a group.

and it happened not only in that song. pam mentioned then "i think you have stage fright".
indeed, how sad.
andd and. the recent interclass debate, i wanted first speaker since it shd be the easiest.
i didnt really panick till the minute i was supposed to go up, and in the end, i realised i was scared because the hand i was holding the card was trembling.
hm. i cant do things well when ppl stare at me. i simply cannot. i fear of making a mistake, and the more fearful you feel, the worse it becomes.
bleah. what to do?

oh boy, i think its seriously driving me crazy